Wednesday, November 24, 2021

Timeline of WWIII

Timeline of WWIII (a short guide for Historians of the Future, if there are any):
  1. July 24, 2015 - Iranian General Soleimani travels to Moscow to present to Putin and his senior generals a plan of how the Syrian Arab Army, Hezbollah, and the Iranian Islamic Revolutionary Guard, with Russian air support, could rescue Syria, with minimal problems for Russia, from the Israeli Yinon plan to break up Syria (Soleimani also makes at least one other subsequent planning trip to Moscow, or even more)
  2. Late September 2015 - Russia enters the Syrian theater of war, and the tide starts to turn
  3. March 2016 - Operatives from Fusion GPS and the Clinton campaign start to discuss and conceptualize Russiagate, since Russia is now posing a threat to the necessary 'Israeli' territorial expansion
  4. Summer 2016 - Clinton campaign ratfuckers work with Steele and various other fabulists to construct the dossier
  5. September/October 2016 - (((Corn))) and (((Isikoff))) present Russiagate to the American public, with Glenn Simpson of Fusion GPS directly feeding the nonsense to his two friends (amazingly, (((Corn))) still won't let Russiagate go!!!)
  6. November 8, 2016 - Trump beats Clinton
  7. January 10, 2017 - the Steele dossier is leaked by BuzzFeed News
  8. 2017, 2018, 2019 - Trump starts no new wars (sad)
  9. January 3, 2020 - Trump's (((handlers))), especially (((Adelson))), and (((President Kushner))), order him to assassinate General Soleimani for the unpardonable crime of successfully rescuing Syria from the (((land thieves)))
  10. September 2024 - (((The Project for the Newer American Century))) - frugal (((Bill Kristol))) personally writes 'er' after 'New' on all the old stationary - issues many letters to Congress and stinktank pieces published on the entire front pages of the JYT, wailing about the plight of the Ukrainian people under the thumb of the evil Putin, who feeds them feet-first into wood chippers while dosing them with Novichok, which he has started to mail to unsuspecting innocent Americans as part of a free sample program for a new Russian energy drink called VladPower (don't laugh, this is no more ridiculous than their similar attacks on Saddam!)
  11. October 2024 - Secretary of State (((Blinken))) holds up a vial of Diet Mountain Dew at a Joint Session of Congress, stating that it is the latest Russian poison, 1000 times more deadly than yellowcake or Novichok or anthrax, and that the evil Putin is about to poison all American municipal water supplies, making them almost as dangerous as Flint; CNN commissions a theme for its 24-hour-a-day coverage of the Russian 'attack on America'; the Emmy Awards sends them all the awards for their coverage, in advance
  12. November 5, 2024 - President Cotton, President Hawley, or some other tall and thin identical Republican in a expensive dark suit beats the embalmed corpse of Brandon, who, looking better than he has since 'elected' in 2020, and certainly no longer shitting himself in public, campaigned vigorously in Weekend-at-Bernie's style, while the Republicans win complete control of Congress
  13. Shortly thereafter - Pentagon generals lie and confirm the MIC has provided operational competitive weapons, hypersonic missiles, with the Russians
  14. Shortly thereafter - MSNBC commences 24-hour coverage of the racist/prejudiced disparate effects of Novichok and radiation poisoning on various minorities; the Emmy Awards sends them all the awards for their coverage, in advance
  15. Shortly thereafter - 'Admiral' Levine, who is reappointed by the new Republican President, takes full command of the USNS Harvey Milk, and, with a crew consisting entirely of womyn and men in frumpy dresses and bad wigs, starts to sail for Crimea
  16. Shortly thereafter - Ukraine is invited to become a full member of NATO
  17. Shortly thereafter - Russia and China enter into a formal treaty of mutual defense
  18. Shortly thereafter - Ukrainian neo-Nazis are ordered to start shelling the civilians of eastern Ukraine, and cross the Minsk Protocol buffer zone, and commit well-publicized and grusome atrocities against Russian-speaking Ukrainian civilians
  19. Shortly thereafter, Chrystia Freeland flies from Canada to Kiev, and, donning full neo-Nazi uniform, personally commands a Ukrainian slaughter squad, wearing the crushed skulls of eastern Ukrainian babies around her neck as a symbol of her power and majesty and family and destiny
  20. Shortly thereafter - Putin, unwilling to get involved in any of this crap, dithers until videos of Ukrainian atrocities shared on Russian cell phones force him to enter eastern Ukraine
  21. Shortly thereafter -  Ukraine evokes Article 5 of the NATO charter to call on NATO to defend the territorial integrity of its new ally, invaded for no reason whatsoever
  22. Shortly thereafter - NATO masses, or rather, re-masses, troops on the borders of Russia
  23. Shortly thereafter - once NATO starts to invade Russian territory, Russia bombs the centers of all major European capitals, with the ensuing radiation poisoning taking care of much the surrounding countryside; European politicians, having long fled to New Zealand, respond forcefully by crying and counting their bribes
  24. Shortly thereafter - Russia, using its hypersonic missiles, nukes NYC, Chicago, and Washington, DC, and China uses its hypersonic missiles to nuke LA and the big western dams (a few American nukes may be fired before the Russians take out their silos, and slowly make it to Russia, causing serious but scattered damage)
  25. Shortly thereafter - Putin informs Americans that it will take out the rest of America should American subs attempt to retaliate with their nukes, and American patriots on the subs, wanting to save what little is left, stand down
  26. In all the confusion, 'Israel' takes over all the territory envisaged for Greater Israel (which is all that this was about anyway)
  27. The few remaining survivors, mostly Deplorables, want to hold a parade for me for my remarkable prescience, but sadly I will have died of radiation poisoning leaking across the border, and/or due to the ensuing nuclear winter.
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